Thursday, May 31, 2007
It had been a while since I decided to write a long post here.
I guess this shall be one of the rare times.
I wanna drop out of school.
I wanna isolate myself from schoolwork.
I don't wanna see those hypocrites in school.
I don't wanna see those poseurs in school.
I don't wanna see those attitude juniors which are pulling hwa chong down.
But yet,
I wanna see my klazmates.
I wanna slack in my klazroom.
I wanna be with my cute juniors.
I wanna laugh with my co mates.
I wanna crap about with my teachers.
I wanna stay by the sides of my friends.
I know I will miss them all if I ever do drop out.
One side of me is always thinking of how sick the school is.
How it always spam us with homework.
How it always expect us to meet demands.
How it can be very hypocritical at times.
How it doesn't care about the students at time.
The other side of me is instead thinking about how the school is being so nice to us.
How it always strives to give the best to the students.
How it let us students be proud of being a hwa chong student.
How it allocate great teachers to us.
How it allowed us to enjoy our school life.
This sounds so ironical.
Yet, this is what is inside me.
Two total different thoughts.
When faced with the continuous stream of homework and tests,
The dropping-out-of-school thought will overwhelm me.
And for that few minutes I was really determined to do that.
But I know its more than just no-more-schoolwork that I will face if I ever do.
I will be at a loss.
Did anyone realise that studying is the only thing that we are expected to do in school?
Did anyone realise that the school had planned things so nicely for us as to let us know what we want to achieve in the future?
Did anyone realise that after our school years, we are left to ourselves to decide on what to do.
And did anyone realise that it is darn difficult to do that?
"I hate studying"
"I despise mugging"
Yeah I do.
But if I don't do that, what else can I do?
Everyone whom I told that I hate studying will tell me "who don't?"
Well yea, I guess even the elite muggers don't like what they are doing.
Then since we all don't like it, why are we still doing it?
I guess its the only thing what we can do for now.
I really admire people with other committments.
I mean, they have to cope with more than just what I have to cope.
And yet I'm already dying.
I realised that I'm always faced with this confused state of mind.
Its not only about school.
Almost everytime, there will be two conflicting ideas and mindsets in me.
It makes my head ache.
It makes me difficult to fall asleep when I really want to.
I figured out that thinking so much makes no difference.
My life doesn't change after all these thinking.
I'll still have to face those dreaded schoolwork after this hols.
The thing that I can look forward to will be jc.
A brand new school environment.
New experiences.
New friends.
And I hope, a new attitude and mindset.